I just woke up!
I wrote about love in my notebook that I have
designated to be the thought bubble of this blog, so I technically did
write.... I just didn't type it up or post it?
Let's See what I wrote. Shall we?
7
February 2014
I've
been thinking a lot about love. One wish I have for this year is to fall
in love. I'm not even 20 (yet. Soon!) and I can confidently say that I have
been in love twice.
If
someone asked me what it feels like to be in love, I would be in a pickle. In my opinion, you can never
forget what it feels like to be in love.
It is always something new and indescribable using words.
Both
the experiences I have had of being in love have been different. “But then
Turner,” you may ask, “how do you know when you’re in love?”
Great
questions! I don’t have an answer.
As I share with you all yesterday, I have an
ongoing communication with myself that in my life I am always “too late.”
I
have only realized being in love after the two people I cared about had stopped
being in my life.
That
is why, at age 19, I have also experienced heartache, and my heart breaking.
“And
what does that feel like, Turner?”
I
don’t know, but if you haven’t felt it before…
[I felt sick inside and out. My heart physically
hurt. The world was spinning around me. “I love you, I love you, I love you,”
it’s all I wanted to say. It’s all
I ever wanted to say. I wanted to
be with you. I could not bring
myself to imagine my life without you. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t possible for me not to be
with you and yet….]
Maybe
that’s one way of describing it.
It is an example of most of my teenage-angst writing.
Being
in love was like having a song that is your life, constantly playing in your
head. You have found another part
of yourself. A person that is so
much a part of your life that they are part of who you are, almost at a
physical level. So much “you” that
part of your heart, willing or no, has been given to them. That you two are in some way part of
the same idea, the same person.
Magic.
I
think that every time you fall in love, it feels different. I agree with my father who says that
you can never fully fall out of love with anyone.
There
are moments where I find myself again feeling being in love with someone from
my past. But it is in the
past. I am no longer deeply in
love with anyone. And while it’s
still in the past, it’s a little bitter-sweet. I would say over all that it’s very nostalgic: re-living an old you for just a short
period of time.
I
was playing a song on guitar yesterday and suddenly I felt…. Different.
I felt as though part of my body was in a
different place and time. I found
myself nearly crying while plucking out the tune to a song with so much feeling
attached to it.
I
can relate to so many songs that I hear.
I almost have a knack for finding a song and holding on to it, or not
being able to listen to it because it has a certain memory for me.
I’ll write a list of the songs later.
This counts for yesterday!!!!
Loves,
Turner
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